Equal Partnerships in Marriage

In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. 

What does an equal partnership entail?

Sometimes there can be a misunderstanding of equality, especially when it seems like the world is trying to redefine what equality means (I'm not posting this blog as a debate, but to reflect what I conceive as current beliefs and practices of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).  Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, a former leader in the Church, has taught:

"The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world.  Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony.  All of Heavenly Father's children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole."

That is to say equality doesn't need to be connected with "identity".  While each of us is to strive to be of "one heart and one mind" we don't all need to be identical--we each bring in our own beautiful sound to the world and the same goes for a marriage or a family.

A husband and a wife, while they have different roles in the family and in a marriage are to bring together their talents, their abilities, and to work in unison to raise their children and to build a prosperous home.  They are to be equally yoked together with the Savior and to trust and communicate with each other.

Is the man to rule over the woman?

A man ruling over a woman violates partnership and equality but the question is valid.  In the Garden of Eden God gave unto Adam a helpmeet, Eve, and was given dominion.

Elder Earl C. Tingey has said:

"You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet.  A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us.  We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other.  A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife.  Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to equal to each other."

A man and a woman are both given a equal and shared reward at the last day, if they are worthy:  That of every blessing that God the Father has.  At the very end they are equal, but different--different in their humor, in their way of going about things, but equal in dominion, power, and intelligence.

Teachings from leaders of the Church:

"There is not a president or a vice president in a family.  We have co-presidents working together eternally for the good of their family," (Elder L. Tom Perry).

"Every father is to his family a patriarch and every mother a matriarch as coequals in their distinctive parental roles," (President James E. Faust).

"In some cultures, tradition places a man in a role to dominate, control, and regulate all family affairs.  That is not the way of the Lord.  In some places the wife is almost owned by her husband, as if she were another of his personal possessions.  That is a cruel, mistaken vision of marriage encouraged by Lucifer that every priesthood holder must reject.  It is founded on the false premise that a man is somehow superior to a woman.  Nothing could be farther form the truth," (Elder Richard G. Scott).

As husband and wife come closer to God, they come closer to each other.

Prayer in Family Life

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

Prayer in Family Life

The Lord, as He spoke to His followers in ancient America (about 33AD) taught His disciples:

"Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed." (3 Nephi 18:21)

There is a lot of doctrine that can be covered while going over prayer, so, to simplify things I'll link the Church's webpage on it:

Prayer

In one of his talks on a happy home, President Thomas S. Monson (the current leader of the Church) described the counsel he received on his wedding day:

"May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day?  Every night kneel by the side of your bed.  One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee.  the next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee.  I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray.  You simply can't pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another."

Prayer is critical to a well functioning, loving, family life for the children as well as the parents.

Praying in Faith

This is a topic that I am obsessed with--it's that you can't just kneel down on bended knee, get up, and expect your very wish to be granted.  God isn't some magical genie and He won't move our feet with us.  Scriptures in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches us:

"And the Spirit shall be given unto you by the prayer of faith," (Doctrine and Covenants 42:14).

A prayer of faith is one that is consecrated by action--which is the embodiment of faith.  With that being said, if you pray to love your children more, you're going to have to start doing small things to start loving them more.

Prayer and Scripture Study

Elder Richard G. Scott, a current leader of the Church, taught:

"If you want to talk to God, pray.  If you want God to talk to you, read the scriptures."

God has commanded His children to pray individually and as a family every morning and night and He has also given the commandment to read the scriptures individually and as a family--and why is this so?

Because our prayers are often answered as we read the scriptures and seek to hear His voice through His Spirit.

The Language of Love

I'm going to preface this post with one fact:  I think all social sciences are voodoo magic.

Now, I understand, that can be taken as a bit, or very, extreme, but I'm a microbiologist and I like things that are quantifiable and logical; social sciences just don't do that for me--if you ask a social scientist how sure they are of what they are presenting you're going to get a really weird answer and I'm not okay with that.

That being said, I do think that a lot of their ideas and studies stem from true doctrine and principles and when viewed in the right light the veil of magic can be lifted and true understanding can thing spring forth.  With that being said, there has been talk about the 'language of love' and how different people precept love and what is most important to them.  I took a test, along with my wife, and we both scored high on the 'acts of service' language, that when we do something for one another it shows our love in ways that we can both understand--her second, along with mine, was that of words of affirmation.

Now, I'm not saying that what the test said was completely true, or that it was completely false, but I do hold fast to what the Bible says:

"For in many things we offend all.  If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.  Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body," (James 3:2-3).

To replace hurtful words with words of love, or actions for that matter, is always a good thing and if I can make my wife happy I'm all for it.

I'm not saying we each need to take the survey, but we should pay attention to what our spouses enjoy and strive to help replace words and actions.

Media and Marriage

There's a lot that can be said on this topic, and the first and foremost falls in the lines of having to do with chastity and virtue.  The world in which we live is one that is plagued by distractions that will take us away from devoted discipleship, that will take us away from our spouses and from God.  There are images of girls wearing too little clothing, almost every television show nowadays has had some kind of lesbian kiss or relationship in it--porn is so easily accessed it's not even funny.

With that being said--how are we to protect ourselves, our spouses, and our children?

I've been trying to monitor my media usage this past week and I'm certainly not perfect--I struggle with lust, with temptation, and I'm pretty sure yoga pants will some how be the death of me, but I try each day to be better than I was the previous day.  That's what being a disciple of Jesus Christ is all about--we are to be perfect, as He commanded, but not right now; not at this very moment.  We have this whole mortal probation to reach toward that perfection and to learn grace by grace.

But, of course, there are things we can do.  I've recently removed Safari from my phone, have put restrictions on Youtube and try to not view anything via social media or a streaming service unless I'm with my wife--or in a public setting.

We are to have fidelity in our marriages and it's important that we choose to love our spouses each and every day and small choices, whether it's something we view, or something we spend our time on, can have dramatic consequences for the future.

The Excitement of a Small Girl

If you're not familiar with a Latter-day Saint Church service, I'll inform you of some of the things that go on--if you are, you can skip down a paragraph or so.

Spoiler alert:  Church is three hours.  It sounds scary, ominous, and like it's a giant chunk of a Sunday, but it's really an enjoyable experience and you'll never regret staying each hour because of the Spirit you feel and the lessons that you will learn from that Spirit.  That being said, one of the Church hours is a sacrament meeting, where we partake of bread and water in remembrance of Christ and to renew promises that we have made with Him.  Holders of the Priesthood will bless the bread and water and other Priesthood holders will then pass the bread and water, via trays, to the rest of the congregation.

Well, during the Sacrament service this week you could hear a little girl scream:  "Yay, the water!"

This little girl was so excited to be able to partake of the emblems of Christ and it made me, and I'm sure others, wonder:  Am I this excited every Sunday to partake of the emblems of Christ?  Am I this excited to live the gospel of Jesus Christ?  Am I this excited to wake up each Sunday to go to three hours worth of Church meetings?

A prophet wrote:  "And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now," (Alma 5:26).

What a penetrating question.

There are a myriad of things we can apply that question to, but for this post I want to apply it to our marriages.

When we were courting there was an abundance of laughter, of lingering looks, of expressions of care and love--but are those still strong in our marriages?

As I pondered that, for myself, I've realized I treat my marriage almost like a chore, or another thing to check off the list--life is busy and it seems like there isn't time for romance. This should never be the case and I want to do all I can to remedy this before things actually get overwhelmingly busy.

The Lord's Law of Health

The Lord, through His prophet, Joseph Smith has declared:

"And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man--every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.  Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly; and it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.  All grain is ordained for the use of man, and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of the heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth; and these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.  All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground," (Doctrine and Covenants 89:10-16).

Granted, that was a huge wall of text, but it gives us the background to the efforts my wife and I have been taking lately to eat better.

A lot of people know about the 'Word of Wisdom', but a lot of times people just focus on the fact that Mormons don't drink alcohol, or partake of drugs, or drink coffee or tea, and that's part of the Word of Wisdom (some of the verses I didn't quote in the giant wall of text), but there is quite a lot more 'thou shalt's than 'thou shalt not's.

We were talking about the Lord's law of health in my Organic Chemistry class (It's a Mormon campus, it's bound to happen sometimes) and as we talked about what we should be eating and the chemistry involved I realized I really wasn't living as appropriately to God's law as I should have--and, by extension, neither was my wife.

With conviction in my heart, and fear of hunger about eating only salads on my mind, I went forward with faith and enlisted my wife in the struggle to eat healthier.

What we've decided to do, and I'm not saying it's going to work for everyone, is that we have gone mostly vegan--you get all the nutrients you need and it's a lot cheaper to shop for vegan ingredients for meals than huge meals planned over meat.  The human body needs protein, sure, but it doesn't need a huge slab of steak with every meal.

I'm not saying we're vegan, either--we had a chicken pesto salad for lunch, today, but we're striving to watch our budget, as well.

We've been doing this for over a week, and have adjusted all phases of our meals:  Breakfast consists of oatmeal or hot cereal or something else happy, lunch is healthy, dinner is healthy.  I've actually lost weight, but that's not the point of everything--I feel like I have more energy and I just feel better about myself overall.

The Lord expects a lot from us, but He will help us as we strive to keep His commandments.